Larry King, ever the competent and sensitive journalist, spent 40 minutes on The Haimster last night, including time with distraught but stoic Feldman (hair: circa 1986) and Nicole Eggert.  Nicole looked … unlike herself.  Or unlike any human being I’ve ever seen.

This girl, once a fresh-freshed natural beauty, was the envy of most girls born between 1972 and 1979.  She got to hang out with the Coreys, was engaged to Haim, spent time with Scott Baio (and, more importantly, with Willie Ames), and was ogled for years in her red lifeguard suit.  What’s not to love?

That time saving lives on the beach wrecked havoc on the poor girl’s skin.  Now she’s barely recognizable as herself, and indistinguishable from, say, a Real Housewife (small or large “R” and “H”), a Malibu real-estate agent, or Jenny McCarthy if she hadn’t been rescued by Jim Carrey.

It’s a sad day for children of the 80s indeed.  I just need to go look at Rob Lowe and Demi Moore for a while to remember that great things are still possible.

Nicole Eggert