Mark McGwire - then and now

One of these things is wildly different from the other

Mark McGwire admitted to using steroids.  Now, this was not a shock.  I have the guy’s rookie card, and he looks about as stocky as Rivers Cuomo.  Dude got HUGE, and dude started hitting.  But he’s a nice guy, he’s my Redbirds’ new hitting coach, and he and Sammy Sosa helped breathe new life into the national pastime 12 (!) years ago.  All these asterisks in the record books, though.  Tsk tsk.

Michael Jackson’s death certificate was allegedly changed to list the cause of death as a homicide.  The King of Pop’s personal “physician,” Dr. Conrad Murray, secured legal representation last week.  Convenient.  Michael had his fair share of eccentricities, problems, and ailments, but the injections and prescription drugs didn’t help matters.

Simon Cowell has said this season of Idol will be his last.  Dammit, that may mean I have to watch.  Last season was the first time I sat on the sidelines, and this magical creature named Adam Lambert developed without my knowledge.  I dig Ellen, I’d like to catch Simon’s proverbial swan song, and I’m a card-carrying member of the Seacrest fan club, so looks like my Tuesday nights are spoken for.  Farewell, 180 hours in which I could be bettering myself.

Derek Jeter and Minka “Lyla Garrity” Kelly may or may not be getting married.  I’m just happy to see Friday Night Lights mentioned anywhere in the news.  Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!

Spider-Man 4 rumors exclude Tobey and Raimi.  Remember how bad the fourth Batman was, before they re-booted everything with Bale? This is what I fear.  Paging Joel Schumacher!

100th episode of How I Met Your Mother? Only so-so.  Misuse of Rachel cute-as-a-button Bilson, that’s for sure.

In other news, I cooked collard greens tonight.  They didn’t taste nearly as good as when I order them out.  Probably because I sauteed in a tablespoon of garlic oil rather than a pound of ham fat.


Lucy Glib